Viagrrra Falls

Something was definitely in the air this week. It was like the past was pouncing into my present. I don’t know if it was Facebook launching what it called Retro Week, or waking up from a disturbing dream where I was staring at the hairy and naked chest of David Lee Roth, or having more than one discussion with friends who are moms with daughters dealing with the “mean-girl syndrome”. 

The mean-girl issue probably stuck with me most. Not because I was a mean-girl myself, but rather the recipient of some mean-girl jokes. For a year in high school I was called the Purple Blob due to my adoration for my big purple coat. Though I hated that name, I’ll admit it was a huge puffy coat where you could barely see my head!

So when my cousin Janan invited me to see the Rose City Rollers, an all-girl roller derby and a show some might perceive as the ultimate mean-girl event, I couldn’t say no. I also saw it as an opportunity for us to hang out more. 

How retro to end the week watching scantily clad women in fishnets and roller skates shoving, bumping, and knocking each other down. These were women of all shapes and sizes. And with names like Viagrrra Falls, F-Bomb, and Butcher Block, you knew they were serious. So serious that at one point during a bout, a player was severely injured after being flipped. She was lying on the ground, unable to move. A medical crew quickly took her to the hospital.

I was rooting for team Heartless Heathers because Janan is friends with some of the girls. When I asked one of the players named Soul Train about strategy and size, she said the bigger the girls are the more frustrated they get and you just “ride them, ride them, like a little gnat.”  I couldn’t help but wonder if this type of aggression was perhaps healthier than heckling and teasing girls with name calling, as adolescents can do.

The Heartless Heathers ended up losing their game, but they played with heart and charisma. Afterwards, amongst the hootin’ and howlin’ of a revved up crowd, the bruised girls hugged and laughed with each other indicating these were some very nice girls after all. Still, I’m just glad I didn’t wear my big purple coat.